THE. BEST. Listener in the Room

I was recently debriefing some 360 feedback with a client, who’s relatively new to leading others. One of the concerns that surfaced through this process was their struggle to listen well and make people feel heard. When we dug into the root cause of that issue, I learned that my client feels the need (like almost everyone else I’ve ever met) to figure out what they’re going to say in response to something, rather than being fully present for the conversation. I dug a little more: what was causing the need to be immediately prepared to respond? “I’m really competitive. So it matters to me if I’m the first person to speak up and say something smart during a meeting.” We talked about the risk in acting on that need as a leader (or even a peer attempting to build trust). I shared my own struggles with this shift over the years as we honored the need for validation while also recognizing the need to be a good listener. “How about this,” I offered. “Rather than make your goal for 2020 to simply be a better listener, let’s say you’ll be THE. BEST. listener in the room, every meeting.” They looked at me and smiled. “I’m not trying to change who you are,” I said. “I’m just trying to change how those motivations allow you to show up for your team. Be competitive, but use it for good.”